Online dating can be a great way to connect with people, especially if you live in a rural area or don’t get out much. However, long-distance online relationships come with their own set of challenges. When dating someone exclusively online, it can be difficult to really get to know them. Often, people in long-distance relationships idealize their partner rather than seeing them for who they truly are. This makes it easier for people to hide red flags in their behavior. Knowing what to look out for can help you avoid unhealthy relationships and find someone compatible.
They are overly eager to commit
One major red flag is when someone wants to commit too quickly before you really know each other. They might start talking about marriage or making plans to move in together after only a few weeks or months. This could be a sign that the person is clingy or desperate for a relationship. Healthy relationships take time to build as you get to know someone. Jumping into commitments too fast can lead to disappointment down the road. Going slow and steady allows you to determine if you are really compatible for the long haul.
They have a complicated relationship history
Beware if someone has a long trail of broken relationships or crazy exes. Now, everyone has a few prior relationships that just didn’t work out. However, if every single one of their exes was supposedly horrible and toxic, that’s a red flag. It likely means the person either has unrealistic expectations for relationships or contributed to the dysfunction themselves. Have compassion, but also listen if multiple exes seem to all have similar complaints about the person’s behavior. That could indicate ongoing issues that will resurface in your own relationship.
Their social media presence doesn’t line up
Today, most people have at least some type of social media footprint. Do some light snooping to see if their Facebook, Instagram or other accounts line up with what they have told you about their life. Major inconsistencies may indicate lying or creating a false persona. For example, if they said they live in Southern California but all their geotagged posts are in Michigan, something is up. Or if they said they are single but their Facebook relationship status says “In a Relationship,” that’s a big problem. Don’t go overboard with the social stalking, but verify any glaring red flags.
They make excuses for not video chatting
Video chatting early on is vital for online relationships so you can verify the person matches their photos and vibes with your communication style. If they keep making excuses for why they can’t do a video call, proceed with caution. Unfortunately, catfishing is common on dating sites, where people pretend to be someone else using fake photos and bios. They will typically refuse to jump on a video chat to avoid getting caught. Insist on that FaceTime call so you know exactly who you are talking to.
Their messages are inconsistent
In long-distance relationships, most communication occurs via messaging and emails. Pay attention if their writing style seems erratic or keeps changing. Sometimes, two different people may be sharing the same online dating profile and messaging you from the same account. If the messages suddenly become more formal or include different terminology, it may not be the same person behind the screen. Other times, people intentionally try to disguise their writing style to appear as someone else. Notice any messaging quirks that don’t add up.
They need money
Financial scams are rampant in online dating. A common red flag is when an online partner starts asking you for money for supposed emergencies, expenses or even plane tickets to finally meet you. Some genuinely just want to take advantage of your kindness for monetary gain. But others are outright scammers running dating site schemes to con people out of money. Never send cash, gift cards or loans to an online love interest unless you have met in person and have a substantial relationship.
They have strict unavailability
Genuinely busy people can still make time to communicate with those important to them. Be suspicious if your online partner can only chat during very limited windows of time, like when their spouse is asleep or at work. This likely signals they have another relationship or family commitments they are hiding from you. Having an extremely regimented “only free between 10-11pm on Thursdays” situation is dubious. Make sure they can make room for you in their life.
Your gut says something is off
Listen to your instincts! Small inconsistencies that raise questions likely signify bigger issues beneath the surface. If multiple interactions make you feel uneasy or anxious, pay attention to that feeling. Your subconscious can pick up on subtle red flags before your conscious mind fully processes them. Rather than ignoring awkwardness or writing it off, analyze those gut reactions. More often than not, first impressions accurately detect when something doesn’t add up with a new online connection. Trust your hunches.
You can’t find any trace of them online
Today, the vast majority of adults have some type of digital footprint with public records, social media or web mentions. Be very suspicious if you can find zero trace of your online partner anywhere on the web. No Facebook profile, no LinkedIn page, no web search results, nothing on background check sites like Spokeo. Either they have gone to extraordinary lengths to scrub their web presence, or they are using a fake identity. Neither option is good news when trying to start an authentic relationship.
Their profile seems too perfect
Let’s be honest – no one is that perfect. Watch out for dating site profiles that read like a resume or seem to portray the ideal partner. Lying about age, appearance, job, hobbies and other attributes is common on dating sites. When everything seems airbrushed, they may be presenting an embellished or false version. Expect some quirks and human imperfection when getting to know someone. Profiles that appear fake-perfect likely are.
They ask suspicious questions
Online dating conversations should feel natural as you get to know each other. Be wary if they ask overly specific questions about your job, income, living situation or travel habits. This could indicate they are gathering intel for nefarious purposes. Discuss your career, home and other details at a high level. Deflect prying questions that seem invasive, especially if they don’t reciprocate with the same level of detail about their own life.
You can’t agree on how to meet in person
A long-distance relationship can’t stay virtual forever. Make sure you and your online partner have a shared plan to meet up in the real world. Beware if they keep delaying or coming up with reasons why they can’t meet yet. At some point, you need to take the relationship offline. Set a timeframe and stick to it. If they won’t commit to specifics or keep moving the goalpost, this person likely has no intentions to be with you IRL.
Conclusion
Online relationships can be amazing but also carry risks. Look for multiple red flags indicating dishonesty, ulterior motives or instability. Trust actions over words. Pay attention to inconsistencies indicating they aren’t presenting their real self. Insist on transparency and video chats. If your gut says something seems off, believe it. Setting boundaries and being selective protects you from unhealthy long-distance relationships. Keep communicating to resolve any doubts and you can find the right online partner.